Last Updated 07 | 12 | 2013 at 20:30


Movember moustaches: what now?

Article By: news

Movember's come to an end, and all those brave souls who have selflessly endured a month of nosefluff to raise awareness of cancer are faced with a choice: shave it off and return to drab, bald-lipped normaldom, or pick a style with which to carry on sporting the mighty caterpillar.

But it's a minefield. Each distinct style says something specific about its symbiont, and strangers will form firm judgments about you based on nothing else. Luckily, we've compounded a list of six possible looks you could choose, complete with the pros and pratfalls of each to help you make an informed decision.

The Thick Strip -  For the Man's Man. Just 100% stripe, like a jaguar's leg. Sported by famous charchters such as Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds and Ron Burgundy, this is the moustache for the man who knows what he wants. It's not for everyone – upkeep is deceptively time-heavy, with length and neatness paramount, and there is a definite and unavoidable "soup issue"..

The Dandy Parting - Fine and wispy, for a man partial to a long necklace and unbuttoned cuff, replete with suggestions of cigarette-musk and bo-ho living arrangements. The Dandy benefits from minimal maintenance, largely because it's a style favoured by those for whom thick growth is an issue. The centre-parted 'tache also lends itself to ancillary fuzz: accompanying stubble atop the chin mound, and a "soul patch".

The Hipster Lipster – Think Poirot-esque protrusions that spiral and pirouette into coils somewhere around the cheekbones or the very much revered Dali-esque that rises up to the eyes. They do not look good. They also require more care and attention than actual human babies.

The Handlebar Heaven - Also known as the "Big Personality" moustache, for both the artistic, and the extrovert who's loud anyway but would like this to be known before he opens his mouth to talk about himself. Essentially a Thick Strip that just keeps on rocking down the sides of the mouth and can feasibly freewheel all the way to the ears. Gaps and thin patches are frowned upon. Ironic, considering the handlebar is nothing if not a giant hairy frown.

The Biggles - Short, trim, and extending no further than the corners of the mouth, The Biggles has enjoyed recent prominence across the esteemed filmstars of Clooney, Pitt and Gosling among others. A clean, no-nonsense look of which your grandad would heartily approve, The Biggles hails from an era of dutiful heroism, long before action-men had hair-stylists and went on diets. Maintenance minimal, works well with a suit, and won't look abysmal if you forget to shave and let the beard grow out around it. A safe option.

The Debonair Sharpie -  Once deployed in dashing fashion by Errol Flynn. The Debonair Sharpie looks, unsurprisingly, as if it's been fastidiously applied in premium felt tip by a master calligrapher with a hand steadier than a bomb disposal expert's. Now making a resurgence due to the likes of Jamie Foxx and Chris Cornell, emphasis on minute neatness has mercifully reduced, leaving it a potential day-to-dayer. The downside, of course, is that the skin between the moustache and the nose must be kept sheer at all times.

If you are finding it difficult to paint a picture in your head of these examples of dashing facial hair have a peek through our gallery and lets hope you haven’t shaved that upper-lip fuzz as yet. Happy 'tacheing!

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